Metal Definition

Ini ada cross posting dari salah seorang rekan dan semoga memberikan pemahaman yang lebih baik ttg aliran metal bagi yang belum baca. Enjoy !!

Husni I. Pohan Np : Opeth "The Amen Corner" taken from "Mayh"
HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and screws the princess
GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...
POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest
THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and screws her....... easy and quick
FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) protagonist leaves without the princess
VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves
DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, screws the princess and kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess
GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, screws the princess and kills her....then he screws again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, screws the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and screws it for the last time
DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well
PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.
oh, but wait...they forgot numetal kids
NU METAL
The protagonist smokes a joint, tries to beat the dragon over the head with his skateboard, and when that doesn't work he says "Ha, Lates, fuck this" and runs back to peaceful, calm, suburbia.
Yall want me to slay that dragon? SAY FUG DAT FUG DAT